Condom Sense, adult sex toys massage oils and novelties

Condom Sense® Facts
Happy Sex Life

The 3 Kinds of Sex Happy Couples Need

Not all sex is created equal. That much you know. What you may not realize is that when it comes to lovemaking, marriages need a little variety. No married couple is having lengthy, adventurous, tantric-orgasm encounters every time they climb into bed, and according to sex experts, no married couple should. The most-satisfied husbands and wives find a loose balance among the three basic food groups of lovemaking: quickies, comfort sex, and spectacular sex.

"In its own unique way, each of the three types is absolutely essential to a happy marriage," says Sharyn Hillyer, a Beverly Hills-based marriage-and-family therapist. "The recipe for a great marriage is having an equal balance of the three."

Sex Quizzes

Erogenous Zones

Sex Toys

Anal Sex

Sex Toy History

Sex Myths

Speak Up

Frolicker Forum

Affiliates

Polls

Sex Toy Facts

Masturbation

Safe Sex

Oral Sex

Anal Sex

Sex With Toys

1. Quickies
Quickies are a handy time-management tool in a busy life, but they offer a lot more. They're tailor-made for those marriages in which the man has a higher sex-per-week requirement than the woman. And approached with the right attitude, quickies can provide an element of illicit excitement. "That initial urgency and thrill you feel about sex tends to wane over the years," says Kathleen Mojas, Ph.D., a Beverly Hills-based clinical psychologist. "A good quickie can inject that passion back into your relationship."

As a relationship enhancer, quickies can't be topped; men love them, so proposing one is likely to get a warm reception and engender some positive overall sexual and romantic vibes in your marriage. Explains Hillyer: "Guys like quickies. Smart women are good sports about that."

Bear in mind, however, that if you tip the scales too far in favor of the quickie, problems are likely to crop up -- especially for you. "When my husband and I started our own business, the only sex we were having was quickies," says Robyn, 31, a retailer in Newark, N.J. "For a while, I had a 'better than nothing' attitude, but then I became very resentful, because while I was maybe having an orgasm one out of three times, he was batting a thousand. I felt cheated and mad." Robyn was smart. She talked with her husband, who agreed to hire a manager. The couple used the windfall of free time to focus on their relationship, which improved quickly.

If too many quickies are spoiling your fun, but you're not prepared to use Robyn's straight-up approach, try this: "Plan a slow seduction scene," advises Mojas. "Light some candles, run a bubble bath -- really set the mood." This way, your husband will feel pampered rather than criticized. If you go on and on about how great it was afterward, Mojas suggests, he'll be more apt to set the mood next time.

If he still doesn't get it, you're going to have to be frank. Try to be nice about it. Says Hillyer, "At the right moment -- not in the middle of sex -- say, 'We've been having a lot of fun with these quickies, sweetie, but I need some more time.'" Tell him a longer session makes you feel sexier and more turned on -- code for, "Hey, there's something in this for you too."

"But if you have kids and a full-time job, you won't always have the time or the inclination to make sex a big production, even if your husband wants you to," says Hillyer. If he craves a marathon and you're only game for a 50-yard dash, say so. Tell him you're too tired to go all night, but a quickie is just fine. That way, you can feel close without collapsing from exhaustion.

2. Comfort Sex
It's one of the great perks of monogamy. Comfort sex is lovemaking that can only be enjoyed by two people who know each other, and each other's bodies, extremely well. You rub him here, he nibbles you there, and you both leave the table satisfied.

"Comfort sex is the glue that keeps you connected," says Mojas. "It doesn't hold many surprises, but that's part of its appeal." And just because it's comfortable doesn't mean it isn't exciting; sometimes merely knowing the nooks and crannies and hot spots of each other's bodies so completely can be a big turn-on. Says Hillyer, "This sex is loving rather than crazy-in-love." It's not about athletic prowess or number of orgasms, but rather about the bonds of time, experience, and intimacy you and your husband share.

But beware: "Too much comfort sex can get boring," Mojas warns -- and boredom is anathema to sexual bliss. "If you're having mostly comfort sex, plan a date for after the children are in bed," advises Hillyer. Wear something you feel sexy in and light some incense. Eat dinner on the floor in front of the fireplace, then make love on the kitchen table." The change in circumstances inevitably leads to a change in sexual experience.

If your husband can't loosen up enough to have comfort sex -- for him it's either a quickie or an all-out romp -- tell him you sometimes need a hug more than sex, and that predictable sex can make you feel secure and satisfied. Let him know it doesn't always take a big production for you to see fireworks. If this doesn't work, try a back rub or a slow dance to demonstrate to him that closeness can be expressed in many ways other than world-rocking sex.

3. Mind-Blowing Sex
Every once in a while, you get lucky and fall into an erotic encounter that reminds you all over again that you are one hot couple. Usually, though, it's circumstances -- often contrived just for this purpose -- that send sex into 'Oh my God' territory: The kids are away, it's your anniversary, or you're on vacation. "Special-occasion sex is the thing that breaks up the monotony and gives you the chance to fall in love again," says Mojas. "I see a lot of couples who go on vacation solely to have vacation sex. Their vacation is the time their marriage comes back together."

Other times, mind-blowing sex is the simple result of trying something new that works. Explains Hillyer, "In exploring and experimenting, you might discover something that really feels wonderful, and suddenly the sex is elevated from everyday to spectacular." Maybe it's a new position or some sensual music that pushes you over the edge. The only way to find what turns both of you on is through trial and error.

But daily life can make incredible sex seem like the impossible dream -- until you make up your mind to get some. And you do have to make up your mind. "People have this erroneous idea that you don't have to put effort into amazing sex, that it should just be there," says Mojas. "But when you're juggling children and work and a marriage, you have to put in extra energy to create that spark."

Try a different room of the house, or tell your husband you're not wearing underwear when you're in public. Any small stimulus can do the trick.Sharing fantasies is another time-honored way to rev up your sex life. Find out what each other's top-five fantasies are, then choose a few you would feel comfortable acting out together.

"But no one can have a sex life that is 100 percent earth-shattering," says Hillyer. "It would become a burden to think of something new to do night after night, and your body would grow tired. A relationship just can't sustain that sort of sexual level. And who'd want it to?"

If you've been striving to be a major sex kitten, it should come as a relief to give yourself a break. Try initiating a quickie. Try, another night, simply concentrating on the feeling of his body inside of you rather than on reaching orgasm. Pretty soon, you'll realize that variety really is the spice of a great sex life, and that out-of-this-world sex is much more so when you're not trying to reach some internal quota.